Dealing with bad kids
As a problematic kid growing up in Middle School, I pushed the boundaries of the rules. If I couldn’t wrestle with my friends in an area, we would move to another area. I’d find creative ways to insult others without swearing. I was a pretty bad kid, who thought he ruled the school and couldn’t be messed with.
Even the adults didn’t think I was worth the hassle because they couldn’t do anything but tell me to move somewhere else. Now, as an adult, I go through the same pains as the previous adults did. Kids yelling and swearing, riding bikes where they’re not supposed to, and lots of attitude to go around.
I sympathize with the adults who had to deal with kids like me. I struggle with the two paths I could take — The Coach Carter or the Ray Charles route.
Hard to sympathize on some days
I can’t sit here and tell you that bad kids don’t deserve kindness and respect, but on some days when they’re out of line, it’s hard to think about that.
Years back, I had to tell a kid to stop wrestling his friend in front of other kids. He was picking his friend up and slamming him into the ground. when I intervened, he asked me if I wanted to fight him and got up on my face. I knew he wouldn’t do anything and calmly told them to leave the area.
I asked myself how do you even help kids like that? I know he might be the cause of other external factors that attributed to that negative behavior. Whether it was bad parents or a bad outlook on life, he was harming other kids.
To be honest, I couldn’t find an answer. I couldn’t spare enough staff to sit and monitor every second or ban him from the area. None of the solutions were plausible. I tried talking to him and his friends, trying to understand what they were thinking. If we could possibly do another activity that lets out the aggression without destroying property or hurting others. But, they all walked away and even resorted to trashing the area.
I gave up on those kids and focused on the kids that wanted to be there.
I’m still not sure what the solution was or if there ever was one. When I was at that age, I’m not sure if I would’ve listened to any adults. It was only later as an adult that I saw that they cared about me and wanted me to do better. It’s hard to see that as a troubled kid trying to win favors in their friend’s eyes.
Take it or leave it
Two types of adults did their best to help me in two different ways. The Coach Carter tried to talk to me and sympathize with what was going on. They wanted me to do better because they knew I was capable of more. The Ray Charles simply saw me as an annoyance and a kid who made their lives/jobs more difficult. They did everything and anything to get rid of me.
I don’t blame the Ray Charles — when it was pasted their work shift and they saw us doing bad stuff, they would ignore it and go home. A teacher once told me they didn’t care what I did, but do it elsewhere so they didn’t have to do any paperwork. They even suggested doing it in an area where security didn’t go to. Out of sight and out of mind.
Perhaps we just turned the Coach Carter into the Ray Charles. We broke them with persistent and idiotic actions. But when we graduated, they were quite happy to not see us again.
The Coach Carter never gave up on us, and perhaps that is why I remember them the most. Looking back, I feel terrible for wasting their time, effort, and trust.
We had a teacher called Mr. Stevens who would treat us like one of his own. He’d always asked how we were doing, and if we were planning to partake in any extracurricular activities.
I remember him offering my friend a place to hang out in his classroom so he wouldn’t get influenced by all of the potheads around school.
He didn’t have to do any of that. He could easily leave when the bell rang and enjoyed the rest of his day drama-free.
The ability to not give up on someone and to believe that they can do better is something I’ve actively tried to work on. It’s difficult because, at first resistance, you just want to give up and focus on something that works. Or in this case, help the kids that show interest already.
I believe anyone can change their trajectory at any time so not giving up on someone might be key to helping them out.
What’s important is you don’t hold their hand. They must take all of the actions, but you have to keep holding them to a standard. Too often I see adults doing all of the talking, thinking, and actions for the child. You’ll never get buy-in from that.
You have to let them take the action and be held responsible for those actions.
Can’t be a hero to all
As good as it sounds to not give up on anyone, you can’t allocate enough time and resources for everyone. Does that mean you have to be selective? Mr. Stevens would say to try. But a part of me disagrees that when you do too much, you stretch yourself too thin and can’t fully help those who need it.
A few students that Mr. Stevens tried to help were just bad kids. Perhaps they changed later down the road, but at the time, they made his life incredibly difficult. I wasn’t sure if this affected his sudden leave, but I wouldn’t rule it out.
Luckily, his methods were passed on to the students who cared and some of them became mentors to other students, and eventually became educators for future students.
When you’re at a certain maturity, it’s hard to accept any form of help or criticism. It’s unfortunate but it’s a case of good intentions with bad timing.
I was one of those kids that was too hard-headed to change. I was not ready for any help or advice from wiser adults. Efforts to help me were better for someone else.
You learn these lessons way too late, but it’s a godsend that you learn it at all.
Some kids will need the bare minimum push to get them going, while others will require constant motivation. I feel in the third category of not moving at all.
Mr. Stevens kept tabs and checked in on me, but never pushed me as hard as some other kids.
He would tell us that there aren’t any bad kids, just bad situations and timing.
I disagreed with him at the moment, and still do. Some kids are just bad and there’s nothing you can do to change them.
But I agree that we should always help everyone out as best as we can. We can’t save them all but we should try anyway.
We were all bad at some point in our lives, and someone had to deal with us. I hope once we get there, we do so with patience and love. The cycle will always continue but if we do it right, the next generation will have it a bit easier.
Check out my last article on (Un)common knowledge*
If you’ve enjoyed my articles, please subscribe and share! Please connect with me on :