It helps to look stupid at the moment
A school is a place where kids learn through making mistakes, and through those mistakes, they can improve every time and come out better in the end. That sounds real nice until you’re bored in class trying to listen to some kid struggling to read the fictional story of the Great Gatsby. I was unfortunately in the same class as that kid. My friend, Tim, was that sad little kid that couldn’t read.
He did do one thing that I wish I started doing myself — he asked the teacher questions whenever he didn’t know something. It wasn’t the scenario of seeing the teacher after class in private, it was asking the teacher then and there in front of the whole class. I felt second-hand embarrassment for him, but Tim didn’t give a damn.
Here’s a direct quote from him: “If I don’t know ’em, I gotta ask ‘em”.
You might be thinking that makes complete sense right? If you don’t know the answer then maybe I need to ask someone in order to figure it out. I would agree with you, but Tim would ask questions about simple things that a majority of people should know. When he was reading, he would simply stop, look the teacher directly in the eyes, and ask “what’s heart to heart?”. As in a heart-to-heart conversation.
As you’ve predicted, everyone laughed and even the teacher snickered a bit, but at the end of the day, Tim got the information he needed and continued to read. Don’t feel sorry for Tim, he eventually got a lot better at reading and graduated with very good grades.
Suffer now, and not forever
There are a lot of things getting in the way of your path of discovery and knowledge, and it’s ego. The feeling of not wanting to look stupid or to avoid being known as that person that doesn’t understand in front of people is a strong motivator for not taking action. Think about going to the gym and you’ll start to make up scenarios in your head where people are judging you. Whether it’s your clothes, how you look, or your exercise selection, you’ll think that everyone is staring at you. The truth is nobody cares, and you’re adding a layer of anxiety onto yourself.
Another consequence of the ego is regret. The act of analysis paralysis leaves one with many what-ifs. There was an English teacher whose reputation was known to be tough on her students. She was tough but fair. She would spend hours after school helping anyone in need, often I wouldn’t see her leave school until 8 pm at night. I had the option of choosing her class or choosing another teacher who was known to be easier and lenient. I took the easier route because I wanted my report to look good. It did look good at the end of the semester, but I passed without acquiring any new skills. I didn’t have the confidence to take on the challenge because I wanted to feel smart in front of other people. I wanted my reputation to be “that one smart guy”.
It has also led me to choose jobs that had better titles but no substance to them. Sure, I was called a manager at a well-known company, but I didn’t do much nor did I learn how to lead and solve problems. It took me much longer to surround myself with the right people and situations in order to learn the necessary lessons and skills.
It was a short-term gain, but a poor move for the long term. I could blame it on the pressure of family, friends, and peers, but it was the wrong move. It typically happens when you make decisions influenced by the external, instead of the internal (you). You end up playing the catch-up game if you think you’re too good or cool to ask the basic questions.
How to use it to your advantage
Once you’ve gotten over the fact that you’ll look dumb, it’s time to reap all of the rewards. One of the keys to asking questions is not only asking the right questions but taking in the knowledge and breaking it down so that you can retain it. It’s obviously a waste of everyone’s time if you just ask questions but don’t remember any of it.
I observed a friend follow up with this question, and I started to use myself, “Can I explain it back to you on how I see it and you can tell me what I got right or wrong?”. Our teacher used to tell us if we are to use Wikipedia, at least rewrite it so it’s not plagiarism. I didn’t understand the insight at the time, but in order to rewrite it, you need to understand what the paragraph is talking about. You need to know the context and relevant information in order to reconstruct it. That’s what happens when you ask that question — taking in information and “rewriting” it, which makes it easier to remember because it is your own words.
One of the better methods of doing this is writing it out and then explaining it out loud. The writing gathers your thoughts and the explanation clarifies them. If it doesn’t make sense, go back to the writing part until you’ve understood it. Then explain it to someone until they do. This works better if they don’t have expertise on the topic so it forces you to extract the most important information and explain it even clearer.
If you’ve ever made something with your own hands or experienced something that’s personal, you’re more likely to remember it and use that experience to help you with another task. I specifically remember how important it was to communicate when playing basketball in high school. The coach pulled me aside and told me I have to start being a leader out there and start talking to my teammates. I didn’t know much, but I told him, “So by talking out there, I can help my teammates score and defend the better right?”. The coach replied “it’ll help us win games.” That’s all I needed to know, and from then on, I made it a priority to talk to my teammates throughout all of my team sports activities.
The most important part was the connection I made between talking and winning games. When you ask questions, even dumb ones, it allows you to understand by connecting point A to point B. It doesn’t matter that other people already know it, what’s important is that you understand it. This is vital when it comes to knowledge everyone NEEDS to know. Think about doing chest compressions training. If you don’t know that you’ll have to might have to break a few bones to bring a person back, it’ll deter you from doing proper chest compressions. That’s why they have a dummy so you can feel how much pressure you should give. Too light and it doesn’t do anything.
Start with attaining baseline knowledge and then work your way up to specific knowledge. If everyone knows it and you don’t, that’s a problem. Don’t assume that everyone knows it because they face the same problem as you — not wanting to look stupid in front of the group.
Until next week,
Scott
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