It's productive to start complaining
Every great solution starts with complaining. In fact, I’d argued that if you want to get something done, start complaining about it and let that fuel the necessary planning and action to get it resolved.
I don’t think people really sat down and thought about stuff that bothered them. By listing out all the things that bother you, you can see what things can be solved by you, what requires more knowledge and skills, and if you need others to help you.
Most of the time, the majority of problems can be solved by you and within a short time frame.
I can’t stand stagnant complaining
I don’t mind complaining, and I don’t mind hearing other people complaining about things. Sometimes, it gives me insight into problems that I wouldn’t have thought about.
When I was little, my mother would always complain about how the neighbor would always park so close to her stall and make it difficult for her to get in. I walked to school so this problem wasn’t a problem for me. My mom would ask me to write a note, move her car to a different position, or put a cone in between the vehicles. The problem didn’t go away, and I was still left to hear all of the complaining.
This is what annoys me about complaining — when it becomes stagnant and the problem doesn’t get fixed. Whether the issue is out of your control or you’ve “exhausted” your options and someone else has to hear your complaints. Unfortunately, often a loved one.
For many complaints, the easiest solution is usually the best solution. Notice how my mom did everything but talk to the neighbor? Sick of my mom complaining, I went straight to the source. We got it resolved in 5 minutes of talking.
Proactive complaining
My youth soccer coach had a problem with how all of us would charge towards the ball whenever the opponent had it. The problem was if the opponent would pass it or kick it over us, it would essentially be an open goal. Alas, as energetic children, it was hard to fight the urge to charge. It’s like asking a cheetah not to run as fast as they can.
The better players complained. The parents complained. No one likes to lose, even though we were supposed to be playing for the “love of the game and for fun”.
After lots of complaining, our coach would spend a week's worth of practice on building discipline. There’s a similar concept called zone defense in basketball. Everyone is responsible for their own area. You’re not allowed to leave this area because if you do, the defense will break down and the other team can score.
It took us a few days but we weren’t charging like soldiers at every single ball. Wherever the ball was, whoever’s zone it was got to charge and rush at the ball. We were now playing organized soccer for once.
My coach also had the foresight to think about future complaints. He was worried that people would complain about how the kids would just stay in their zone and not leave it. He allowed us to leave our zone to help teammates, but only a maximum of 2 kids could go. This gave us the opportunity to not like a rugby scrum, and counterattack since we didn’t send everybody.
Thinking about future complaints after providing solutions for your current complaint is a great way to make sure your actions make sense. It’s called second-order thinking. Basically telling yourself after you do something, you ask “So then what happens after”.
Short-term gain to solve a present complaint isn’t as valuable as solving that complaint indefinitely or in the long term.
But understand that not all complaints need to have a long-term solution. It might not be as high stakes and you can afford a short-term solution. Perhaps the short-term solution makes more sense than the long-term one.
That’s why you should list out all of your complaints and see if your solution can solve multiple complaints. It’ll allow you to strategize more efficiently.
Complain to yourself
I don’t want to be the bearer of bad news, but not everyone likes to hear your complaints. Perhaps they’re your partner but consider that they have their own issues too. I’m not saying to never complain to them, but don’t let it be a running faucet of complaints every day.
You should start complaining more to yourself and keep a running list. I like to treat it as a game. How many complaints can I resolve without adding more to my list?
The second part is important because you don’t want to solve a problem and the number of complaints doesn’t change. Life gets better when you can reduce problems instead of always trying to use resources to solve them. When you have fewer problems, you can now focus on the harder-to-solve complaints which will give you more gain in the first place.
Remember that it shouldn’t be a complacent complaint. It’s an ongoing process of thinking, planning, and solving. Make time to do all three, and make even more time to refine the process. I promise you’ll learn more doing this than anything a textbook can teach you.
Want to get something done? Start complaining.
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